At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
