If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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