i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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