"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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