I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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