i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
