Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
