your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
only you would photoshop your dick
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
