I will die if light touches me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
