I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
