Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
