I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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