You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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