If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
