Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
