Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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