guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
