I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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