she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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