just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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