dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
