It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
