No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
