fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
