Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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