i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
