Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
