Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
