i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Please don't give away my fajitas
This toilet bowl is my home.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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