The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
