OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
