New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
