My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
