On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
