take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
