your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have fence marks all over my body
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
