the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
