i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
