you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
