As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
