Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
