Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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