I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
