So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
