1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
