Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
In America we eat man semen.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
