I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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