after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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