the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
