Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
