He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
