I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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