dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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