There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
