I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
