The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
